Friday, December 21, 2007

Our dirty little secret

I am so sorry I haven't posted in so long! We have had so many things happen in the last few months it is insane! I haven't felt comfortable going on and on about my freak life and not sharing the "Big news". In October we found out we are pregnant again Yeah us! Unfortunately within a week of finding out I was put on full bed rest due to a 2 x 3 cm blood clot in my uterus. I cannot even begin to tell you what a pain this has been. Not physically so much as emotionally . Karl has had to go to school full time and work his four jobs and then come home and cook and clean and take care of the kids. He has been amazing! While I on the other hand, sit on the couch and create a permanent indentation. I swear my side of the bed is at least 2 inches deeper than it used to be too!. I haven't really been able to do very much with the kids although I can't help it sometimes. I mean really they are my kids and I am their mom! I feel like I have missed out on so much, too much to even get into about! Karl keeps saying what choice do we have like this is supposed to make it all go away? I know he's right but really it doesn't make it any easier to be a bystander to my own life. It's hard to look but don't touch with my own kids . It is one thing not to do the dishes because you don't want to or to just not get to the vacuuming and all of that because life gets busy. It is a whole other ball of crap when you can't do it and you just have to sit there and watch as life falls further into the deep and dirty! As your kids who used to listen because you used to be able to follow through on those threats just look at you as they climb the entertainment center and throw all the movies down and you stand there and yell threats that you can do nothing about, at least until they get down because you can't lift anything!! And I know I shouldn't complain but I will, because it is in my nature to do so. If you don't like it just skip through it. Basically life in our house is upside down and dirty rotten! But it will all be worth if we get a healthy baby ( this is my daily mantra). If you are upset because you are just hearing the news I hope you feel better knowing very few people actually know. We have not told very many people because the doctor has told us not to expect to bring home a baby just yet due to the size and placement of the clot. So, we have been waiting to get the all clear to tell everyone. So here we are almost 15 weeks and we finally realized we are not getting the " all clear". I have been going in weekly for tests and ultrasounds & every week they are surprised to find a heartbeat (a little depressing)! But, at our last appointment the doctor actually took me off bed rest 100% He said life as usual due to my good behavior and time served (lack of bleeding and no growth in the clot)! Yes! I cannot even describe how awesome that was! Most women who have to go on BR get at least a few months to enjoy and brace themselves. Not us. We found out and then basically were told don't get attached this is very serious! So for the first time in almost 11 weeks I got to do laundry and hold all of my kids and go out and walk around, run errands and think about the baby without my mental guard up. I even scrubbed the bathroom ! Well our celebration was short lived. I started bleeding again after only 12-13 hours of a regular life so now I am back on Moderate BR. So we decided to share our news because for now it is good. The baby looks great and is actually measuring big (whats new?) . The clot is getting a little smaller each week and for now even though I am still down I am only moderately down (hallelujah!). If this BR goes on for the entire time I may just stay down forever because of atrophied muscles. for now though, we are doing pretty darn good and Hey I have a clean bathroom and my kids will have fresh clean clothes for at least two days. Really this is something to celebrate right now. So until next time... And I'm not sure when that will be . You see, I have found the most central location for planting my self and growing roots is the couch which is sadly no where near the computer. It allows me to stay down and still stay tuned to all the activity in the house (yes our house is that small ). You know, just in case Kippi finds the scissors or Rieken gets into the markers again . I think our house has taken just about all the "Freedom" the kids could dish out and then some. Sadly the carpet is past the point of no return and that is a whole other blog in itself! . On a side note I am determined to sit on the other side of the darn couch and then at least it will match again. So, just in case "next time" isn't for a while Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! With Love the Rimmasch Family

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